2018

You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place.

Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but 
you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.

There will be a time when you will look back and be thankful that certain people, opportunities, and things were removed from your life because you would have never found yourself had you not lost them. Sometimes, we get so caught up worrying about what we lost, rather than realizing what we are gaining..It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.

I have this favorite ayat from the quran when I knew people will keep on judging keep on talking about about stuffs they dont even know its right. from surah yunus <3 i read while convince myself that all the pain is temporary and i will get what I want in the end. Eventually.

وَلَا يَحْزُنْكَ قَوْلُهُمْ

“Do not let their words sadden you.”

Amnesia.

Here is, to sum up for my 6 months of university life lah konon.. And so today the results are out! 

I went to buy some college stuffs today and ade member tanya..

Friend : Macam mane result?

Me : Tak tengok lagi. Kat luar ni.

Friend : Check la cepat.

Me : Internet tak stable la sini.

Friend : Bagi id and password.

My heart just keep pounding inside my chest, debor weh. i'm sweating! and rasa macam jauh sangat rumah tu tak boleh nak sampai.

Then he screenshot the page with my result and there it is.

It was a good start when it was my first day at the campus. Did I mention it? it was good. and now..today.. I feel that 'feeling' again. Macam feeling baru masuk sekolah/university ni la kan.

After 6 months, after that one semester. I was afraid, that I was not able to feel that 'feeling' again. You know, those 'feelings' of..

excitement in you, to start something new..

determination, that you hold to give yourself a chance..

eager to learn, to teach about what is about to come..

to live life fully, without daring to look back..

Dalam satu semester, I've been through everything that of course I didn't expected. Ada yang happy, ada yang opposite of happy. Taknak cakap sedih, (sedapkan hati) whatever it is, I learned that. Everybody isn't  going to love you. Most people sometimes don't even love themselves. People won't always tell you how they feel, but apparently they'll show you. Pay attention. and most importantly is to always remember to forgive yourself, forgive others. Macam cliche je kan but its true!

So azam semester baru, tahun baru. cliche lagi sekali. tapi yes,  I still want to meet new people and talk to them. Make new things and show to people who might enjoy them. Hug too much. Smile too much. and when you can, and I can. to love again.

Love gives thousands definition okay? 

and I hope I still have my heart, to love.

A little throwbcak wont hurt kan? those days back in kmkn, kedah. We were happy, so much happy. And now still. I am happy.

Am I ?

Finally, I have this wisdom to actually write something. Since that now is less than month away from my finals. so yeh.

' She's completely unexplainable. You think she's the good girl, but once you get to know her, you realize shes's everything. She's crazy. She's funny, she make mistkaes. she's honest and you never know what she'll do next. '

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

I have come to a level that I regret. I opened my heart so much. Opening up to some people, that they didn't deserve to know me like that.

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But this regret is good. and I'm glad that I made this mistake. 

and thats just how it is. Let me tell you this, if you've never felt your soul being torn apart, you've never LOVED anyone with all your heart. 

But after the pain. You'll learn to grow. I am now learning to say Yes, without feeling afraid. without any hesitation. to be daring and spontaneous, to hurl myself into people and places and moments without second-guessing myself.--- to challenge my anxieties, to comfort my fears, and trust in chances.

I guess thats just an achievement after I decided to let you go. to let this all go. and I'm happy with it.

To you. Yes, you. I thank you for all that you've given me. for all that I felt, its beautiful and it is hurtful. I hope we meet again. maybe in the different world. from different side. 👀

a little throwback with me and a very good friend of mine, times when I have a very healthy daily routine. Now its just about repeating the same thing. Bummer.  :(

Holidea(d)

Referring to the title, sepatutnya holidays tapi yeh. It is just a word to describe how lost, (dead) is my daily routine right now. Bukan apa, bila dekat rumah ni jadi satu attitude nak lari dari reality cewah. If dekat kolej dah sibuk nak pegi sana sini. Study lagi. Fuh. and also to remind myself result sem dah nak keluar. (sis takut sebenarnya bila ingat balik soalan chemistry tu ) 

And last Friday, I just lost my great great grandmother. *Al-Fatihah* 

Kalau kira ikut tahun lahir arwah, umur dia dah 97. but mama cakap orang dulu daftar buat ic tu lambat so sebenarnya dah hidup lebih dari 100 tahun. 

Then I started talking to myself. 100 tahun? Hidup? I am now 19. BARU 19. pfft tu pun rasa macam acah acah 'Tired of this life.' Tak tahu la korang semua pernah rasa macam tu tapi lidiya pernah la. 

As you breathe right now, another person takes

his last. We suggest you to stop complaining, 

and learn to live your life with what you have.

                                      -unknown.

Till then, xoxo.